2AM thoughts

Do you feel that certain feeling when you’re all up at midnight and all of the negativity sums you up? When you feel your heart is like a tornado that once hit a town and there were actually no casualties, but you know the pain went and it happen. When you feel you are a poor, lonely, helpless stray dog who was never approached by anybody that could be your owner and companion and was never thought by anybody to be loved and cared? You feel the loneliness. They give you reasons to live yet they are killing you. You were there when they need you and when you need them, and they disappear like a bubble popped in the air in just a blink of an eye. Sometimes, all you have to say to yourself is to reject them all and make yourself to be a priority if they can’t make your their priority. But it is such a huge difference between what your mind is telling you and what your body is doing so. You cannot sleep thinking that you have let them sleep helplessly but they don’t do and feel the same towards you. It is such a hard feeling. But you know, after you close my eyes and open it for tomorrow, the tornado that once hit the town will also wash away all the heaviness and emptiness you feel inside. Just let yourself show its own feelings at the middle of the night where the people are sleeping and you are wide awake.

Ironically Inevitable 

The reason why I want to be alone, 

Is because I don’t trust anyone  

The reason why I don’t want to be alone,     

Is because I don’t trust myself

The reason why I don’t enter a silent room,

Is because my misery screams and my despair roams     

The reason why I enter a dark room,   

Is because my spirit rises and my dark soul glooms

The reason why I want to live,

Is because death keeps seeking me 

The reason why I don’t want to live,

Is because death keeps hiding inside me      

The reason why I don’t smile

Is because my eyes lift a falling tear

The reason why I want to smile,

Is because my eyes hide its fear 

And in the darkness I was enlightened, 

In the agony I was threatened 

In the horror I was frighte,

And the memoir I chose not to end